A Few Good Men - My Musings on Manhood

A few good men. This common phrase is a paradox. A farce. A falsehood. A misleading term.

This world has more than a few good men. There are many good men! In fact, I know many, many good men. And I am thankful for them. Yes, the men.

In my experience, it is men who have stepped up to the plate when things are rough, men who are willing to take the lead in difficult situations, and men who willingly sacrifice their own well-being for others. Thank you, gentlemen.

I’m confused and concerned about a common rhetoric in our society that men are all bad. Or fathers are all absent. Or husbands are all unfaithful. Or bosses are all abusive. Whether I am behind or ahead of the times, let me repeat, I applaud men.

One example of a good man is my great dad. He worked hard, made little money, and provided all that he could for our family. Despite the fact that I had ten siblings, he spent time one on one with us, discussing our dreams, providing fatherly advice, and giving ample encouragement and comfort when needed. He still does all of those things for me now, even though I’m a grown-up. My Dad is a good man.

Another great example is my husband. He is a better parent than me. He is the one who keeps his cool when everything is falling apart, who willingly cleans the skinned knees and applies the band-aids, who mows the last patch of lawn when everyone else is grumpy, who picks up the final toys in the living room, and who always takes the garbage out. It’s even my husband who waits up until the last teenager has returned at the midnight hour. Thank goodness!

Motherhood Matters

Motherhood matters. The longer I live, the more I comprehend this truth: Motherhood Matters.

With all due respect, I'm convinced that raising children is the most significant, the most difficult, and the most fulfilling task in life. It is influence. It is power. It is life.

Motherhood matters in many ways, but one of the most poignant is the influence mothers have on the world. Forever and ever.

Take last week, for example. Day one, we sent our daughter off to college. After 18 years of living at home, she was ready to stretch her wings. We dropped her off at her dorm room—decorated pink and grey, her new backpack hanging from her closet hook, her new laundry detergent and books and school shoes ready for her new life. It was a tender and thrilling moment. I couldn’t help but recall the day I had arrived at the same university, excited and nervous, hugging my family goodbye, looking ahead to a grand adventure. It seemed like just yesterday.

My daughter’s anticipation was so thrilling that I almost wished it was me again, setting my sails for the new world. But then it became clear: I was living life through her. Her experiences would become my experiences. Her success was my success. Her happiness produced my joy. I could go to college again and again and again and have all of the excitement and fulfillment because of and through my children. Motherhood expanded me and who I was. It was an eye opening revelation.

Of Polio, Pornography, and Peace

Last month I traveled to Cincinnati, Ohio to spend the weekend with my sisters. One of our excursions took us to the world-renown Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. My talented sister-in-law, Dr. Sanita Hunsaker, is a child psychologist there.

 I wouldn’t initially anticipate that a hospital was a sacred place, but our experience at Cincinnati Children's was absolutely holy. Entering the campus, we saw a beautiful old structure, dating back to 1931. It was in this original research building that Dr. Albert Sabin developed the oral polio vaccine. As the wife of a Rotarian, I understand the urgency and importance of eradicating polio from the world. 

On the steps of that antique edifice hundreds of mothers gathered on April 24, 1964—the first “Sabin Sunday”—to have their children vaccinated against polio. A statue in honor of Dr. Sabin stands in the courtyard today.

Ten Tips for Surviving Motherhood (From an Exhausted Mom)

In the past 24 hours four different moms have told me they are exhausted, discouraged and tired of being a mother. And I’m one of those four. BEING A MOM IS JUST SO HARD SOMETIMES! It’s hard because of the emotional and physical strain of caring for and raising other humans. It’s hard because we survive on little sleep ourselves.  It’s hard because we are the sounding board for every thing and everyone. And, it’s hard because in the midst of this marathon we are MANAGING THE WORLD! The laundry, the groceries, the PTA, the housework, the meals, the garden, the Scout den, the Church youth group, the budget, and the HOMEWORK! Oh, the everlasting homework.

As I’ve pondered and persevered on this uphill battle, I’ve formulated strategies to pull myself through the tough times; the difficult moments when I want to crawl into bed with the covers over my head, but instead I have to drive 3 kids to soccer practice, solve a 7^th grade math problem, and make dinner for 12 people. You know, those days when the ENTIRE universe is depending on you!

So, in an effort to help myself and the three moms I’ve chatted with today (and the other million that may feel similarly), here are Ten Everyday Tips for Surviving this Difficult, Glorious, Ride we call Motherhood.

1.     Do it! – The first tip to surviving motherhood is just to do it! Become a mom. Take the leap. Take the plunge. Take the risk.

Chances are that if you are reading this, you already are a mother. You’re not likely a professional tennis player looking for some light entertainment or a politician with spare time on your hands. No, I’ll bet that 99.9% of you readers are mothers. So, congratulations! You’ve mastered tip number one.

Simply becoming a mother is hard—physically and emotionally. And it takes a tremendous commitment from you, whether you’ve birthed or adopted your child. You have literally agreed to sacrifice your life for another human being. Now, granted, we generally take this step a bit naively, when all we can envision of motherhood is the fun of playing house with our dollies. But, we’ve taken the step just the same, and we deserve a party.

Now that you are on the path (and—surprise! There’s no turning back!), chances are good that you will survive this journey. And, I’m willing to bet, you will not only survive, but thrive!

2.     Just Keep Swimming – The very moment we become mothers we face a whole experience without a handbook. We hold that newborn in our arms and suddenly we are solely responsible for their well-being. Changing diapers, feeding, sleeping. It’s overwhelming and wonderful. And, as little people grow, their challenges do, too. Soon diapers are the least of our worries. Now we are helping them ride a bike, stay out of the road, and finish their carrots at dinner. Time passes and now we are concerned about who their teacher is, if their homework is finished, and if they practiced the piano before going to bed. And soon our challenges have grown to driving, dating, jobs, and graduating from high school. In other words, motherhood is challenging every day!

So here’s another tip: Just Keep Swimming. Just keep going with the flow and surviving. That’s the long and the short of it. Get up the next day. Drive to the next soccer game. Fix the next meal. Change the next diaper. Endurance is 90% of success. And finishing what we’ve started is the bulk of thriving.

On the days when I feel I can’t possibly keep going, I remind myself to just keep swimming. And then, I fold the next batch of laundry, deal with the next teenage crisis, sign the next page of Algebra homework, and get through the next day. And, somehow, when I wake up the next morning, my energy is renewed, and I can keep on mothering.

3.     Make a Backwards List – I’m the queen of list-making. I make to-do lists for myself, lists for my husband, and lists for my kids. But sometimes I get to the end of a day and find out that I didn’t accomplish anything on my list! How discouraging! In those times, it’s helpful to make a Backwards List. Take a moment before bed and write down what you did do during the day. Think of each batch of laundry, each trip to the school, each meal cooked and cleaned up, each child you helped, each phone call you made. Think about the time you went out to play ball for a minute, or helped your husband with a project, or cleaned up the living room. Write down every single thing you did that wasn’t on a list, and your spirits will likely lift. It helps to have a list of what was accomplished during the day, even if the list was made backwards.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Family Council

 

All I really need to know I learned in Family Council. 

Wait.  You mean, Kindergarten, right?  All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten.  Isn’t that how the phrase goes? 

Nope.  Everything I really need to know I learned in Family Council.  Let me explain with a flashback to my childhood. 

First of all, family councils have been happening forever, right? Well in theory, yes, but the real emphasis came in the 1970s. In fact, in October 1976 a special edition of the Ensign magazine admonished Church members to hold regular family councils.  Church pamphlets and stake conference messages in 1977 furthered the direction to organize families and keep records.  My parents, who live the gospel to the letter, held their first family council in August of 1977 (when I was just four years old) and they’ve held family council once a month on every Fast Sunday since then. 

Not only did my parents start holding family council regularly, they also organized our family into four focus areas:  Family History, Missionary Work, Personal and Family Preparedness, and Home Education and Activities.  Kind of like the three missions of the church, only they were the four missions of our family. 

And, they took family organization even further and gave us all assignments as committee chairmen and members of these focus areas.  Remember it was 1977, and I was four years old.  My Dad called me in for a Personal Priesthood Interview and asked me to serve as our Family Missionary Chairman.  

In true four-year-old fashion I immediately responded, “Nope.  I don’t want to be the Missionary Chairman.”  I’m sure Dad was surprised, but he remained calm and explained what exciting things a Family Missionary Chairman would do.  I decided to accept the call.  So, there you have it.  One of the first things I learned through family council was to accept callings and responsibility.  And I’ve been accepting them ever since. 

Ten Parenting Principles That Have Shaped My Motherhood

I'll be the first to admit that motherhood is wonderful but challenging!!! So when people ask how I effectively raise ten children, I hesitate to offer any secrets to success. After all, each individual mother and family situation is unique. I firmly believe that we are all just doing our best in a soul-stretching profession.

However, there are certain universal principles that I do believe are key to rearing productive and happy children in today’s world. I gleaned these parenting tips from my own parents and good mothers and fathers I’ve observed. I share them here in the hope that others will adopt and adapt them and pass them on.

My motherhood philosophy changes yearly, weekly and daily as my parenting journey evolves and matures. In other words, I'm still developing my strategies just like everyone else! 

But today, as the mother of ten busy and good children, ages one through nineteen, I share the top ten parenting principles that have shaped my motherhood. I hope you find these helpful!

10. Routine Structure and schedules are the only answer to smoothly managing the lives of twelve people. When children know what time we are waking up, going to bed, leaving for school, what jobs they are expected to complete in the morning, where they sit at the dinner table, where their shoes belong and other routines it adds ease to our crazy life. I believe that organization is good for children. It teaches them boundaries and respect for regulation. And, it makes my life simpler. Knowing that we are doing laundry on Monday, cleaning bedrooms on Saturday, practicing the piano in the morning, and who washes the dinner dishes each evening means I don’t have to reinvent the wheel every day. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Thinking ahead, having a plan, and then sticking to it is the only way I stay sane!

9. Family Mealtimes The family that eats together stays together—I firmly believe that adage! Last week a visitor at our door was surprised to see 11 of us sitting down to dinner in our dining room. “Do you eat together every night?” she asked, amazed. Yes, we do. Granted, some evenings my husband is gone for a meeting, or my high school son has a track meet, or my daughter is working at her job, but the rest of us still sit and eat—together. I love those times! Not only is family mealtime helpful for creating healthful habits and manners in children, but in addition we all share and talk about our day and the world waits while we recharge together. It’s a great time for our teens, tweens and toddlers to connect despite their different stages of life. In fact, to me, mealtime is the best of times—a golden moment when I feel a small surge of success.

A Purposeful Pilgrimage

I’ve heard of pilgrimages before: travel to an historic place to pay homage to one’s beginnings.  There are pilgrimages to the Holy Land, pilgrimages to Mecca, pilgrimages to a cemetery to see the gravesite of a loved one. Anyone who believes deeply in something has an innate desire to visit his foundations—the place where his beliefs and character and very purpose for being were established.

This summer our family took a patriotic pioneer pilgrimage. And our travels convinced me that pilgrimages are a vital and heart-changing piece of life.

Our first stop was near Kansas City, Missouri. We toured the Liberty Jail where Joseph Smith was held captive during the long, cold winter of 1839. The jail is small and crude, but the crowd that came to view the underground cell was large—a kaleidoscope of families from around the country. We sat together in silence while the narration told of damp, cold, moldy food and God-fearing saints. The experience made us better.

Abundance and Apathy

My mind has been in turmoil lately. I've been considering the dual effects of abundance and apathy in our society. I'm no philosopher, but I'm convinced that one stems from the other.

Consider this: we have more stuff, more time, more tools, more information, more food, more toys, more space, more stores, more...you get the picture. Our lives are abundant! Even those in our society who claim welfare or are "underprivileged" have much more than people who lived just a few decades ago.

Styles of Scenery

When I was 14 years old I went to Germany.  It was beautiful.  I savored the crumbly castles, the stately manors, the beautiful Rhine River. 

When I was 21 years old I went to Japan.  It was intriguing.  I fell in love with the delicious food, the kindly people, the striking shrines.

Last year I went to Hawaii.  It was gorgeous.  I drank in the blue lagoons, I cherished the silky sand under my feet, I marveled at the exotic sunsets.

Politically-Correct Parenting

I am NOT a politically-correct mother. I discriminate based on age and gender and whether or not you’ve finished your homework. (For example, those who have, may go out and play.) I insist that girls wear dresses and boys wear ties to special occasions. I teach my girls to cook and sew, and my boys to dig ditches and mow lawns. If you are older, you may have privileges younger siblings don’t enjoy, like staying up late or watching particular movies. We also pray before every meal, even if our non-church-going friends are visiting. And, we celebrate Christmas. So, as you can see, I’m not politically correct. In fact, you could say I’m a bit old-fashioned in values and in parenting.

Training the Tot

Training the Tot - Without traumatizing the parent  

Successful potty-training tips

Published on FamilyShare.com March 22, 2014

• Much of motherhood is glorious, uplifting and fun. However, there is one chore which looms over even the most cheerful and talented mothers: Potty training. When my first son was 1-year-old, I delved with excitement into the mission at hand. Unfortunately, the process (which spanned a year and a half) left me older and wiser, and vowing that I would never again train another breathing thing.
  
  
  

Church Mice In The Chapel

My first article for FamilyShare.com was published Sunday, March 16th.  Within the first day it had over 6,000 hits, and is now approaching 9,000.  Hooray!  

Taking small children to church can be a daunting task for any parent. Here are a few tips for teaching your children to sit quietly during the service.

Church. For a parent with young children, the word may bring to my mind visions of temper tantrums, Cheerios thrown into the adjacent pew, and, “I have to go potty,” screamed at the wrong moment. Yet, those of us who want our children to be honest, upright citizens often make a weekly pilgrimage to a religious service.