A Few Good Men - My Musings on Manhood

A few good men. This common phrase is a paradox. A farce. A falsehood. A misleading term.

This world has more than a few good men. There are many good men! In fact, I know many, many good men. And I am thankful for them. Yes, the men.

In my experience, it is men who have stepped up to the plate when things are rough, men who are willing to take the lead in difficult situations, and men who willingly sacrifice their own well-being for others. Thank you, gentlemen.

I’m confused and concerned about a common rhetoric in our society that men are all bad. Or fathers are all absent. Or husbands are all unfaithful. Or bosses are all abusive. Whether I am behind or ahead of the times, let me repeat, I applaud men.

One example of a good man is my great dad. He worked hard, made little money, and provided all that he could for our family. Despite the fact that I had ten siblings, he spent time one on one with us, discussing our dreams, providing fatherly advice, and giving ample encouragement and comfort when needed. He still does all of those things for me now, even though I’m a grown-up. My Dad is a good man.

Another great example is my husband. He is a better parent than me. He is the one who keeps his cool when everything is falling apart, who willingly cleans the skinned knees and applies the band-aids, who mows the last patch of lawn when everyone else is grumpy, who picks up the final toys in the living room, and who always takes the garbage out. It’s even my husband who waits up until the last teenager has returned at the midnight hour. Thank goodness!

My husband is the parent who dresses professionally each morning and leaves the house on time, even if we have been up all night with a sick child. He dodges the bullets at work and mediates the opposing sides. He takes some dirt on his suit for the team and then comes home with a smile on his face and immediately volunteers to start washing the dishes.

Amazing? Yes. Absolutely amazing.

But not entirely unique.

My husband is a good man. But he’s not alone in his goodness. I’ve observed many men and husbands and fathers making similar sacrifices for their wives and families, rarely thinking of themselves. Thank you, gentlemen.

In the workplace I have rubbed shoulders with good men who have hired me and fired me. Men who are willing to respectfully listen to my ideas and let me have wings to fly. Men who provide the gentle guidance I need when necessary, and who ultimately go out of their way to make me—and other women as well—successful.  In fact, I’ve observed that men are often even more thoughtful, more considerate, and more forgiving towards women than they sometimes are to their male colleagues. I appreciate their support, goodness, and kindness. Thank you.

Additionally, I applaud men in the past. I honor our Founding Fathers. Good men who literally sacrificed their "last full measure of devotion" for our nation. They gave up their own personal comfort so that millions of Americans could have what they fought for: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I'm honored to enjoy the country these fathers built.

I am grateful for my own Forefathers. Good men who brought their destitute families from the Old World on boats, on ships, across plains and seas. Men who took a chance for a better life. A life they may or may not have lived to enjoy, but which their posterity now thrive in. My Forefathers have made my life better. I have five sons whom I pray will look to these men as examples, and grow to become good men themselves.

I honor the good men of Mankind. Brethren who have labored with each other in dignity and honor and peace. Trailblazers like Columbus and Galileo, C.S. Lewis and Walt Whitman, Lincoln and Lee, Churchill and Shackleton. I don't mind that history is full of tales of men—brave men who changed and still inspire our lives today. I love reading about them and learning from their daring feats and deeds. I count it a privilege—not an offense—to be labeled as MANkind, or huMAN beings, or MAN and woMAN. It's an honor to exist side by side with good men.

And yet, despite the overall goodness of men, our current society rhetoric too often declares that men are bad—as if our communities can hardly trust a man. This chilling pattern is detrimental and disheartening.  Men are not on trial. Men are not a hindrance. Men are often our heroes. 

Could I dig up some dirt on men? Certainly, if I wanted to. If I thought hard enough I could surely blame a man for some degrading thing that was said or done to me. But I could also find women whose actions are worse than those men. In fact, women are often more catty, more success-driven, more willing to step on someone else’s toes for recognition. We are certainly not the innocent sex.

No, it's not a contest of gender. A test to prove who is bigger or better or smarter or faster. Life is instead an invitation to bring our talents together and build an incredible world to live in. Men and women working side by side create an indomitable synergy. We are meant to be friends, not foes.

Yes, some events in history have discriminated against females. But let’s also not forget that it was mainly men who went to war and died for causes, who sought to protect the women and children at home, and who worked in the fields each day to provide for their families. Sure, there’s a bad apple in every basket and we could tell stories that prove men are immature and greedy, but let’s not ruin the whole excellent bushel.

Speaking of fruit, think back to the Garden of Eden. Whether or not Eve should or shouldn’t have partaken, thank goodness for Adam who agreed to follow her example and hence go with her out into the world. He could have stayed in that lovely place with free food and comfort, but he supported Eve and instead worked by the sweat of his brow. He set the example, working side by side with woman, as an unbeatable synergistic team. Adam is similar to many men I know, putting their own personal desires aside to marry and raise families. Thank you.

Yes, I applaud men. I am grateful for your dignity, your sacrifice, your honor. Thank you for what you have done to build this society and the nation we enjoy. Thank you for being our fathers, our husbands, our bosses, our employers, our employees, our dads, our uncles, our brothers, our friends. Thank you for your respect and kindness. Thank you for your hard work, your intelligence, your sacrifices, and your goodness. I am happy to be your helpmeet. A partner. A friend. I am glad we can stand shoulder to shoulder and work together to make this world go around. Thank you, many good men.