Ten Parenting Principles That Have Shaped My Motherhood

I'll be the first to admit that motherhood is wonderful but challenging!!! So when people ask how I effectively raise ten children, I hesitate to offer any secrets to success. After all, each individual mother and family situation is unique. I firmly believe that we are all just doing our best in a soul-stretching profession.

However, there are certain universal principles that I do believe are key to rearing productive and happy children in today’s world. I gleaned these parenting tips from my own parents and good mothers and fathers I’ve observed. I share them here in the hope that others will adopt and adapt them and pass them on.

My motherhood philosophy changes yearly, weekly and daily as my parenting journey evolves and matures. In other words, I'm still developing my strategies just like everyone else! 

But today, as the mother of ten busy and good children, ages one through nineteen, I share the top ten parenting principles that have shaped my motherhood. I hope you find these helpful!

10. Routine Structure and schedules are the only answer to smoothly managing the lives of twelve people. When children know what time we are waking up, going to bed, leaving for school, what jobs they are expected to complete in the morning, where they sit at the dinner table, where their shoes belong and other routines it adds ease to our crazy life. I believe that organization is good for children. It teaches them boundaries and respect for regulation. And, it makes my life simpler. Knowing that we are doing laundry on Monday, cleaning bedrooms on Saturday, practicing the piano in the morning, and who washes the dinner dishes each evening means I don’t have to reinvent the wheel every day. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Thinking ahead, having a plan, and then sticking to it is the only way I stay sane!

9. Family Mealtimes The family that eats together stays together—I firmly believe that adage! Last week a visitor at our door was surprised to see 11 of us sitting down to dinner in our dining room. “Do you eat together every night?” she asked, amazed. Yes, we do. Granted, some evenings my husband is gone for a meeting, or my high school son has a track meet, or my daughter is working at her job, but the rest of us still sit and eat—together. I love those times! Not only is family mealtime helpful for creating healthful habits and manners in children, but in addition we all share and talk about our day and the world waits while we recharge together. It’s a great time for our teens, tweens and toddlers to connect despite their different stages of life. In fact, to me, mealtime is the best of times—a golden moment when I feel a small surge of success.

8. Use Music We use music as a daily tool in our home, and it makes a big difference. Music is a natural heart softener, it stirs emotions, and it brings families together. Music is great for transitions: time to come to scripture study, time to gather for family prayer, travel time in the car, and time to clean the house or wash the dishes. Of course, I love Brite Music, which teaches children values and skills through child-like songs. We also enjoy our teenagers’ fun upbeat music and also sing hymns as a family together regularly. We even have a long birthday song that has become a family tradition. Did you know that you mentally retain only 10% of what you hear, but 99% of what you sing? Music is shaping our children and creating memories they won’t forget.

7. Limit Electronics I was raised in a home without a television. And, surprisingly, my siblings and I all survived! Despite not knowing about the latest and greatest shows or stars or primetime news, we grew up into healthy, contributing citizens. I like to think that our worldviews were actually enhanced since we formed them on our own, through reading and interaction, rather than through screen time.

Today’s lifestyle offers a lot more electronic options than the simple television set in the living room of yesteryear. Families now deal with computers, the Internet, laptops, iPads, smart phones, and a gazillion other electronic devices. Parents have to make critical decisions about how screens and instant information either bless or inhibit their family life. We do have a family computer, several laptops and hand held devices in our home, but we use these carefully as tools and try to ensure that real time, real experiences, face to face talk, and outdoor activities always outweigh our screens. We make sure technology is a tool, not a tyrant in our house. Missing a few episodes of that latest show never hurt any child or parent. In fact, raising kids who are a little “less” tech savvy than their friends may be a good thing.

6. Live Simply Julie Beck said, “Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children.” We spent seven years living in downtown Las Vegas, Nevada. Then we moved to the plains of Casper, Wyoming, where the deer and the antelope roam. Now we live in the beautiful pristine community of Kaysville, Utah. I learned from and love each of these locations. These three distinct environments have taught me that there are many good places to raise children. Also, that we should never take the abundance we have in America for granted. Life is getting busier, the world is turning faster, and there is so much more that can take up our money and our time. I truly believe that living simply is a choice and a great blessing for children.

Guess what?! We eat peanut butter sandwiches everyday for lunch, buying potato chips is a treat, we read “Little House on the Prairie,” we generally only watch television on a Friday night, we grow a garden and eat eggs from our chickens, we still spend Saturdays mowing the lawn and cleaning bedrooms, we have simple birthday parties, and we eat oatmeal many mornings for breakfast. Living on less not only simplifies my life as a mother, but it also instills a level of gratitude in my children that I believe is refreshing. Living simply provides a deliberate way to count our blessings and keep life in perspective.

5. Multiply and Replenish with Children I know, I know. This tip may sound pretentious. But my intent isn’t to offend or hurt anyone. I just firmly believe that having a lot of children is one principle of parenting success. Why? There are so many good skills that are naturally learned in a large family! Sharing, getting along, living unselfishly, dealing with disappointment, putting others first, working hard, and serving are just a few of the principles we practice everyday. Families are simply the perfect environment for developing character, good habits, and kindness. When people ask how I raise wonderful kids I have to honestly say that it happens naturally. My children interact together daily in our home and are ready to face the world because of our family life. I’ll say it again: multiplying and replenishing the earth is not a burden. In fact, it brings tremendous blessings.

4. Keep the Commandments! In this there is safety! In this there is peace! That’s all there is to say. History has proven again and again that living right brings incredible blessings that cannot be earned any other way!

3. Have Faith Our family theme is, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding”(Proverbs 3:5). Each of us has natural ups and downs in life, and managing a household with multiple people and personalities only magnifies highs and lows. But as a mother, we have to lift up our chin, get up another morning, put a smile on our face, and believe that things will work out. Our greatest—and sometimes only—tool during the difficult times is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Faith in the Lord works wonders in family life and parenting. It can soften hearts, heal wounds, and gives us another chance every minute and every day. Even if our biggest trial of the moment is burned toast, simply believing that all will be well is a great principle for carrying on in motherhood. Everything will turn out right in the end, and if it’s not right, it’s not the end.

2. Attend the Temple Going to the temple can be tricky with a busy family life. However, my husband and I have seen tremendous blessings come when we are committed to regular temple attendance—as a couple, as individuals, and with our children. In fact, attending the temple brings incredible specific spiritual benefits into our home that I know impact our children in ways we can’t fully articulate, especially our teenagers. In addition, temple times provide a busy mother with quiet moments to ponder difficult situations and struggles, and allow her to rejuvenate and refresh. Though it may seem somewhat unrelated, attending the temple is probably the single most powerful parenting principle I know.

1. Finally, marry a righteous, hard-working man. My husband, Mark, is really my “secret weapon” in this parenting journey. First of all, he is just good, through and through. He has no guile or ego in him, just an honest desire to help others and serve the Lord. His selfless attitude has blessed our marriage and children immeasurably. Mark is also hard working. On those days when I feel like I will never see the bottom of the laundry basket again, or simply don’t have the energy to go to the grocery store, he is willing to fold the last batch of clothes or make that midnight run for milk.

I sincerely believe that the decision of who and when to marry is the greatest deciding factor for happiness and success in life. Marrying a good person is the first and foremost key to raising a good family. Working as a team allows synergy to carry our family forward. I love to watch amazing couples work in harmony in their homes and families and ultimately conquer the world! Mark and I love learning from good examples all around us as we continue to refine our own partnership skills. In a good marriage, 1 + 1 equals 3. What a blessing that the Lord’s plan includes fathers and mothers functioning together to raise children!

So there it is! The ten principles that have shaped my motherhood, our parenting, and our home. There is nothing "secret" or "magic" about any of these ideas. They are all common sense principles that good people have practiced for generations. Still, I hope that writing them down, black and white, is helpful and will start your mind turning with new ideas for your own family. 

Principles are truths that can be implemented in individual circumstances through a variety of practices and methods. I know that as you use these truths in your own parenting—with your own style—they will bless you, too!