A Few Good Men - My Musings on Manhood

A few good men. This common phrase is a paradox. A farce. A falsehood. A misleading term.

This world has more than a few good men. There are many good men! In fact, I know many, many good men. And I am thankful for them. Yes, the men.

In my experience, it is men who have stepped up to the plate when things are rough, men who are willing to take the lead in difficult situations, and men who willingly sacrifice their own well-being for others. Thank you, gentlemen.

I’m confused and concerned about a common rhetoric in our society that men are all bad. Or fathers are all absent. Or husbands are all unfaithful. Or bosses are all abusive. Whether I am behind or ahead of the times, let me repeat, I applaud men.

One example of a good man is my great dad. He worked hard, made little money, and provided all that he could for our family. Despite the fact that I had ten siblings, he spent time one on one with us, discussing our dreams, providing fatherly advice, and giving ample encouragement and comfort when needed. He still does all of those things for me now, even though I’m a grown-up. My Dad is a good man.

Another great example is my husband. He is a better parent than me. He is the one who keeps his cool when everything is falling apart, who willingly cleans the skinned knees and applies the band-aids, who mows the last patch of lawn when everyone else is grumpy, who picks up the final toys in the living room, and who always takes the garbage out. It’s even my husband who waits up until the last teenager has returned at the midnight hour. Thank goodness!

Motherhood Matters

Motherhood matters. The longer I live, the more I comprehend this truth: Motherhood Matters.

With all due respect, I'm convinced that raising children is the most significant, the most difficult, and the most fulfilling task in life. It is influence. It is power. It is life.

Motherhood matters in many ways, but one of the most poignant is the influence mothers have on the world. Forever and ever.

Take last week, for example. Day one, we sent our daughter off to college. After 18 years of living at home, she was ready to stretch her wings. We dropped her off at her dorm room—decorated pink and grey, her new backpack hanging from her closet hook, her new laundry detergent and books and school shoes ready for her new life. It was a tender and thrilling moment. I couldn’t help but recall the day I had arrived at the same university, excited and nervous, hugging my family goodbye, looking ahead to a grand adventure. It seemed like just yesterday.

My daughter’s anticipation was so thrilling that I almost wished it was me again, setting my sails for the new world. But then it became clear: I was living life through her. Her experiences would become my experiences. Her success was my success. Her happiness produced my joy. I could go to college again and again and again and have all of the excitement and fulfillment because of and through my children. Motherhood expanded me and who I was. It was an eye opening revelation.

The Merry Month of MAYhem

Every mother knows that the month of May is CRAZY! As the school year comes to an end we are flooded with final soccer games, final dance recitals, final tumbling rehearsals, final band concerts, final choral exhibits, final art displays, end of year parties, final exams, final Prom, cheerleading tryouts and… the list goes on. May is busy if you have ONE child, but multiply that by TWO, or THREE, or TEN and every day becomes absolutely insane! The dictionary definition of "mayhem" is CHAOS!

I know May is a wild trip for every family—and it’s certainly not a contest to prove that we’re busier than our next door neighbor—but nevertheless, I’m still recording the events of this month for my posterity’s sake...or they surely wouldn’t believe it!

Let’s begin with the simple math facts: We have 9 children at home right now. Each child is involved in at least ONE extra-curricular activity. (But let’s face it, that usually balloons to two or three or more, right?) PLUS add on school activities, tests, and parties. Those don’t usually count in the daily schedule. But when they involve a parent going in to observe or participating, then everyday school events start gumming up the calendar as well.

I Love Scouting - An Invitation to Respectfully Remember a Century of Honor

On May 8, 2018, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced the decision to discontinue LDS Scouting programs in 2020. Like every other Scouting news release during the past decade, this change was immediately met by both glee and sorrow. Naysayers jumped on the social media bandwagon—cheering that the BSA elephant is "finally off our backs," while those invested in Scouting shed tears at the end of an era—a life-changing century for millions of youth and leaders.

My husband has served as the LDS-BSA Relationships Director for the past five years, and this change directly affects our family in both a professional and a personal way. We have been deeply touched by the many friends who immediately reached out to us, anticipating the emotional trauma we were experiencing at the announcement.

Ironically, I listened to a conference talk on "ministering" earlier in the day. The evening announcement provided a unique opportunity to experience and observe friends who took the time to show us love during a heart-breaking situation, as well as those who simply touted comments on social media, oblivious to the pain many of us were feeling. Ministering is an invitation to live a higher law, and this was a perfect opportunity to serve. A heartfelt "thank you" to those angels who came to our aid.

Of Polio, Pornography, and Peace

Last month I traveled to Cincinnati, Ohio to spend the weekend with my sisters. One of our excursions took us to the world-renown Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. My talented sister-in-law, Dr. Sanita Hunsaker, is a child psychologist there.

 I wouldn’t initially anticipate that a hospital was a sacred place, but our experience at Cincinnati Children's was absolutely holy. Entering the campus, we saw a beautiful old structure, dating back to 1931. It was in this original research building that Dr. Albert Sabin developed the oral polio vaccine. As the wife of a Rotarian, I understand the urgency and importance of eradicating polio from the world. 

On the steps of that antique edifice hundreds of mothers gathered on April 24, 1964—the first “Sabin Sunday”—to have their children vaccinated against polio. A statue in honor of Dr. Sabin stands in the courtyard today.

The Hiking Hint

     When I was fourteen years old, my family spent a week at Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico. While my parents and siblings stayed in camp attending classes, doing crafts and other activities, my older sister and I opted to take a week-long backpacking trek through Philmont’s wilderness backcountry. 

It sounded like a fun adventure: hike a few miles every day, cook outdoor meals, watch campfire programs at night, and do some rock-climbing and rappelling—nothing we couldn’t handle.  In fact, we were exhilarated about a week in the mountains. 

We said a cheerful “goodbye” to the rest of our family and boarded the bus that would take us to our drop-off point.  My heart pounded with anticipation.  The bus rolled to a stop and we jumped out, grabbed our gear and looked up—at a huge hill.  The first mile of our trek seemed to stretch straight up from where we stood!  Biting our tongues, we set out. It was hard!  Our forty-pound packs weighed us down and the sun beat on our backs. When we reached the crest of the first hill, another one loomed before us. This was one, big mountain! After what seemed like ages, we begged our ranger to let us take a break. 

“No,” she said, “We’re just getting started.” 

Confessions of a CEO

I am a CEO.  I manage the personal schedules, finances, needs and lives of twelve people.  (Well, almost twelve.  My husband manages his own--most of the time.)

For me, like any other CEO, it’s all about the numbers.

Yesterday I did 20 minutes of aerobic exercise, read 26 verses of scripture, made breakfast for ten people, packed six lunches, sent eight people out the door, washed one batch of dishes, did three loads of laundry, read a story to two preschoolers, and freshened up five bathrooms--all before 10am! Those sound like pretty good stats to me.

I then drove to the store and spent exactly 50% of my monthly grocery budget on 45 meals. I saved $12 buying non-brand products, and $10 of next month’s grocery money buying butter on sale. (Did I mark that in the notebook?)  I also set aside cash for two weeks of piano lessons and tumbling fees (due tomorrow).

PRESCHOOL 2020-21

Welcome to Homegrown Preschool! 

I am excited to offer preschool again this fall! After five successful years of teaching in Kaysville, I look forward to another wonderful preschool group in 2020-21. My purpose in teaching preschool is to create a fun and personal learning opportunity for the students and to provide financial support for my missionary sons and daughters.

I will accept registration for up to eight students for the 2020-21 school year. Students must be Fall 2021 Kindergarten eligible and be fully potty-trained.

Making Magic

     Harry Potter is magical; but nothing beats the magic of Christmas with children.  Twelve people, one house, two weeks off of school, cookies, lights, trees, music, and snow falling softly outside the window.  It’s the perfect concoction for warm memories.

When I was in 5^th grade, I questioned Christmas magic.  Most of my friends told me that Santa wasn’t real.  I finally approached my Dad about the subject.  After a few silent moments, he read, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” to me.  Then he taught me a wonderful lesson about the magic of Christmas. 

Magic doesn’t just happen.  Magic is made.  Just as Harry Potter had to learn he had magical powers, parents and families can create warmth and magic in their homes.  At our house, we make magic as early as possible.  Christmas caroling, twelve red stockings hanging by the fireplace, homemade gingerbread houses, and a secret Twelve Days of Christmas.  Too much celebrating?  I don’t think so.

Tree Trauma - Our First Christmas in Wyoming

When we moved from Las Vegas, Nevada to Casper, Wyoming in 2009, I was thrilled to start a new life of simplicity in the “wild” west. As we packed our belongings, I put our plastic Christmas tree into the donation pile. 

“We won’t need a fake tree in Casper,” I confidently told my surprised children. “There’s a mountain there and we’ll just cut down our own tree.” In my mind I pictured our first Wyoming Christmas, driving “over the river and through the woods,” to select the perfect Christmas tree.

As our first Thanksgiving approached, I reminded my husband that we no longer owned a Christmas tree. 

“We’re Wyomingites now!” I told him in a patriotic tone. “We’ll cut down our own tree.” Dutifully, he drove to the BLM office and purchased a permit.

“It only cost $7!” he reported jubilantly when he returned home. “What a deal!” He showed me the permit and the map of designated tree cutting areas. Words like “Shirley Basin” and “Medicine Bow” were new to us, but they didn’t look too far away on the map, so we weren’t worried.

The day after Thanksgiving we bundled our eight children--including two infant twins--into the family van. Our spirits were high and we sang carols as we drove. However, our happy “over the river” singing soon drifted into silence as we drove out of town and around Casper Mountain. 

Keep Calm and Scout On

Last month the National Board of the Boy Scouts of America voted unanimously to open their Cub Scout and Boy Scout programs to girls, beginning in 2018 and 2019 respectively.

Predictably, the predictable media immediately jumped on the story, predictably reporting that major changes had come to the BSA, that the long-time Scouting movement as we know it was gone, and that the non-profit organization had made the move in desperation for money. Anyone could have predicted that response. 

Additionally, naysayers gleefully declared that Scouting was finally dead, the century-old organization now altered beyond repair, and that this faithful entity of America had at last met its demise.

As a 30-year Scouting member myself, and after 20 years of being married to a professional Scout executive, I feel that I must speak out and clarify what these changes mean and why I still think Scouting is relevant and needed.

If one looks past the predictable media and the ever-present critics of good, the changes made by the National Board actually deserve a levelheaded review.

Wisdom From A Witch

I’m a witch. I just need to admit it, and then I’ll feel better about myself. I didn’t mean to be a witch. When I was a little girl, I was kind and gentle, meek and happy. Then I went to college. I was kind and gentle, meek and happy. Then I got married. I was kind and gentle, meek and happy. Then, I had children, and a witch was born. (Not the baby, it was me.)

Ten Tips for Surviving Motherhood (From an Exhausted Mom)

In the past 24 hours four different moms have told me they are exhausted, discouraged and tired of being a mother. And I’m one of those four. BEING A MOM IS JUST SO HARD SOMETIMES! It’s hard because of the emotional and physical strain of caring for and raising other humans. It’s hard because we survive on little sleep ourselves.  It’s hard because we are the sounding board for every thing and everyone. And, it’s hard because in the midst of this marathon we are MANAGING THE WORLD! The laundry, the groceries, the PTA, the housework, the meals, the garden, the Scout den, the Church youth group, the budget, and the HOMEWORK! Oh, the everlasting homework.

As I’ve pondered and persevered on this uphill battle, I’ve formulated strategies to pull myself through the tough times; the difficult moments when I want to crawl into bed with the covers over my head, but instead I have to drive 3 kids to soccer practice, solve a 7^th grade math problem, and make dinner for 12 people. You know, those days when the ENTIRE universe is depending on you!

So, in an effort to help myself and the three moms I’ve chatted with today (and the other million that may feel similarly), here are Ten Everyday Tips for Surviving this Difficult, Glorious, Ride we call Motherhood.

1.     Do it! – The first tip to surviving motherhood is just to do it! Become a mom. Take the leap. Take the plunge. Take the risk.

Chances are that if you are reading this, you already are a mother. You’re not likely a professional tennis player looking for some light entertainment or a politician with spare time on your hands. No, I’ll bet that 99.9% of you readers are mothers. So, congratulations! You’ve mastered tip number one.

Simply becoming a mother is hard—physically and emotionally. And it takes a tremendous commitment from you, whether you’ve birthed or adopted your child. You have literally agreed to sacrifice your life for another human being. Now, granted, we generally take this step a bit naively, when all we can envision of motherhood is the fun of playing house with our dollies. But, we’ve taken the step just the same, and we deserve a party.

Now that you are on the path (and—surprise! There’s no turning back!), chances are good that you will survive this journey. And, I’m willing to bet, you will not only survive, but thrive!

2.     Just Keep Swimming – The very moment we become mothers we face a whole experience without a handbook. We hold that newborn in our arms and suddenly we are solely responsible for their well-being. Changing diapers, feeding, sleeping. It’s overwhelming and wonderful. And, as little people grow, their challenges do, too. Soon diapers are the least of our worries. Now we are helping them ride a bike, stay out of the road, and finish their carrots at dinner. Time passes and now we are concerned about who their teacher is, if their homework is finished, and if they practiced the piano before going to bed. And soon our challenges have grown to driving, dating, jobs, and graduating from high school. In other words, motherhood is challenging every day!

So here’s another tip: Just Keep Swimming. Just keep going with the flow and surviving. That’s the long and the short of it. Get up the next day. Drive to the next soccer game. Fix the next meal. Change the next diaper. Endurance is 90% of success. And finishing what we’ve started is the bulk of thriving.

On the days when I feel I can’t possibly keep going, I remind myself to just keep swimming. And then, I fold the next batch of laundry, deal with the next teenage crisis, sign the next page of Algebra homework, and get through the next day. And, somehow, when I wake up the next morning, my energy is renewed, and I can keep on mothering.

3.     Make a Backwards List – I’m the queen of list-making. I make to-do lists for myself, lists for my husband, and lists for my kids. But sometimes I get to the end of a day and find out that I didn’t accomplish anything on my list! How discouraging! In those times, it’s helpful to make a Backwards List. Take a moment before bed and write down what you did do during the day. Think of each batch of laundry, each trip to the school, each meal cooked and cleaned up, each child you helped, each phone call you made. Think about the time you went out to play ball for a minute, or helped your husband with a project, or cleaned up the living room. Write down every single thing you did that wasn’t on a list, and your spirits will likely lift. It helps to have a list of what was accomplished during the day, even if the list was made backwards.

Mama Money - The Very Best Part of Summertime!

I love summer! At least, I love it for the first two months... It is during those inaugural days when the weather isn't too hot and the kids aren't too bored (yet) that I often feel most productive as a mother. I always have more plans than we have vacation. More lists of books to read, crafts to finish, and places to go than we will ever find time for. And, I have dreams of homeschooling my children every morning until the school bus returns.

The best laid plans of mice and mothers often go by the wayside before too many lazy days have passed, and by August we are barely pulling ourselves out of bed for a bowl of cereal and staying on top of laundry (or not...). But the fact is that at the beginning of summer I have energy and excitement for the days ahead.

One practice I have used for as long as I can remember is Mama Money. After all, I have a list of things to get done and a gaggle of kids at home to help me. And, while I never pay my children for jobs during the school year, having a fun monetary incentive in the summer is a treat we all look forward to.

Summer P.E. (Printables for those Long Lazy Days...)

My Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Flickinger, was awesome! She played the piano, sang songs, did crafts, taught us to read and color, and loved us like a grandma.

One thing I will never forget is her wonderful awards. Mrs. Flickinger gave awards for everything! Tying your shoe, learning the colors, reciting the days of the week, counting to 100, etc. She also gave awards for outside skills like riding a tricycle (those were allowed on the kindergarten playground back then), crossing the monkey bars, and jumping rope. Each award was handmade and could fit in a fun envelope where we collected them through the school year. 

This summer I wanted to re-create Mrs. Flickinger's awards for my own little school children. After all, jumping rope is almost a lost art! I enlisted my daughter, Emma, to help me and together we brainstormed 22 physical skills that kids could work on. Emma designed an award for each skill with a place to check off the skill or put a sticker when it is mastered.

I've attached the pdf of our award sheets. Just print, cut, punch holes, and make a small booklet for each child. 

We anticipate lots of outdoor fun! And I'm hoping for double-dutch (or at least proficient) jump-ropers by the end of the summer.

Summer P.E. Page 1

Summer P.E. Pages 2-4

How Scouting Prepared My Son To Be A Missionary...

Only a few short weeks until my oldest son returns from his mission to Denmark! Scouting played a pivotal role in preparing him for that life-changing experience.

Read more on the LDSBSA blog...

http://www.ldsbsa.org/blog/scouting-connected-son-heaven-prepared-missionary/

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Family Council

 

All I really need to know I learned in Family Council. 

Wait.  You mean, Kindergarten, right?  All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten.  Isn’t that how the phrase goes? 

Nope.  Everything I really need to know I learned in Family Council.  Let me explain with a flashback to my childhood. 

First of all, family councils have been happening forever, right? Well in theory, yes, but the real emphasis came in the 1970s. In fact, in October 1976 a special edition of the Ensign magazine admonished Church members to hold regular family councils.  Church pamphlets and stake conference messages in 1977 furthered the direction to organize families and keep records.  My parents, who live the gospel to the letter, held their first family council in August of 1977 (when I was just four years old) and they’ve held family council once a month on every Fast Sunday since then. 

Not only did my parents start holding family council regularly, they also organized our family into four focus areas:  Family History, Missionary Work, Personal and Family Preparedness, and Home Education and Activities.  Kind of like the three missions of the church, only they were the four missions of our family. 

And, they took family organization even further and gave us all assignments as committee chairmen and members of these focus areas.  Remember it was 1977, and I was four years old.  My Dad called me in for a Personal Priesthood Interview and asked me to serve as our Family Missionary Chairman.  

In true four-year-old fashion I immediately responded, “Nope.  I don’t want to be the Missionary Chairman.”  I’m sure Dad was surprised, but he remained calm and explained what exciting things a Family Missionary Chairman would do.  I decided to accept the call.  So, there you have it.  One of the first things I learned through family council was to accept callings and responsibility.  And I’ve been accepting them ever since. 

Babies: Burden or Blessing?

My baby turned 2 years old last week and we had a huge celebration! But I will never forget the day I discovered I was expecting him, Baby #10.

It was a cool fall day just after school started. Staring at the positive pregnancy test in the privacy of my bathroom my heart sank and I immediately felt overwhelmed. I could hear my nine noisy busy children out in the kitchen chattering and making dinner.

I had good reason to feel overwhelmed. My youngest daughter was three, and for the first time in 18 years I had a "completely-potty-trained-put-on-your-own-shoes-feed-yourself-mostly-self-sufficient household." Eight of my children had gone back to school that month, and during the previous week I had relished the three hours of quiet I enjoyed every day while they were gone. In many ways I felt that my life was just beginning. I knew that I would finally be able to keep up on housework and even have time for some personal projects. Also, I was just a few weeks away from turning 41. Socially, I was just too old to have a baby.

Riches to Rags—My Testimony of Relief Society

My husband and I raised our family in downtown Las Vegas, Nevada for several years. During part of that time I served as our ward Relief Society president. Even though I had six young children, I loved my calling! I thrived on the wonderful associations I had with the good sisters in our ward. I loved serving with my counselors and secretary and planning uplifting activities. I enjoyed dressing up every Sunday and conducting Relief Society, attending meetings with the bishopric and other leaders, and serving families in our ward.  I felt very fulfilled and needed outside of my young motherhood responsibilities.

Since we lived downtown, there were quite a few needy families in our area. A significant amount of my time was spent going into homes, visiting with mothers, and filling out food orders.

I often took my children with me as we ministered to mothers who were exhausted, sick, or simply overwhelmed by the cares of life—sisters who needed comfort, both spiritual and physical. Despite my heartfelt good works on their behalf, I always felt grateful that I wasn’t in their situation. I was glad I had a clean house, well-dressed children, and that my own hair was washed and styled!

Then, suddenly, my life changed. My husband accepted a job promotion in a different state. Within a month we had packed up and left our home in sunny Las Vegas for a small rental house in Casper, Wyoming. The weather was 60 degrees when we left Las Vegas, and it felt like only 6 degrees when we pulled into Casper that December evening. The same week that we moved I realized that I was pregnant with our 7^th child. Little did I know that I was actually expecting twins—babies number seven and eight!

10 Parenting Phrases (That get me through the tough times)

Some motherhood days are just difficult! I feel like I am barely treading water and keeping myself afloat…or almost drowning—whichever way you look at it!

Here are ten phrases I often say to myself in these times that try the soul.

*Just Keep Swimming! Yep! Dory from Finding Nemo is my motherhood inspiration. In a situation that seemed hopeless, Dory rallied the troops (errr… fish) and triumphed, eventually breaking the net and leading them all to freedom. On those days when I’m folding laundry, or cleaning up a disastrous kitchen, or scrubbing toilets, I repeat to myself, “Just keep swimming.” Even when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel of laundry if I “just keep swimming” and keep folding one piece at a time, then the clouds always clear, the light comes through and I reach the end! It always feels so good to sit down on a clothes-free couch, look at a dishes-free kitchen, or enjoy my mess-free bathroom. I’m always so grateful that I “swam on” and made it to freedom!

*Can you do it yourself or would you like some help? I initially learned this phrase when my first children were toddlers. Can you climb in the car by yourself or do you need help? Can you put on your shoes by yourself or do you want help? Can you finish your dinner by yourself or should I help you? I LOVE using this phrase because it empowers the child while putting them within my parameters. This tactic maintains my status and rights as the parent while teaching them self-governance. In other words, going with me to the store right now is not a choice, but how you choose to go is. I use this phrase many times a day while dealing with toddlers, tweens and teens. And I always say it in a calm, completely in-control voice! J