Ten Tips for Surviving Motherhood (From an Exhausted Mom)

In the past 24 hours four different moms have told me they are exhausted, discouraged and tired of being a mother. And I’m one of those four. BEING A MOM IS JUST SO HARD SOMETIMES! It’s hard because of the emotional and physical strain of caring for and raising other humans. It’s hard because we survive on little sleep ourselves.  It’s hard because we are the sounding board for every thing and everyone. And, it’s hard because in the midst of this marathon we are MANAGING THE WORLD! The laundry, the groceries, the PTA, the housework, the meals, the garden, the Scout den, the Church youth group, the budget, and the HOMEWORK! Oh, the everlasting homework.

As I’ve pondered and persevered on this uphill battle, I’ve formulated strategies to pull myself through the tough times; the difficult moments when I want to crawl into bed with the covers over my head, but instead I have to drive 3 kids to soccer practice, solve a 7^th grade math problem, and make dinner for 12 people. You know, those days when the ENTIRE universe is depending on you!

So, in an effort to help myself and the three moms I’ve chatted with today (and the other million that may feel similarly), here are Ten Everyday Tips for Surviving this Difficult, Glorious, Ride we call Motherhood.

1.     Do it! – The first tip to surviving motherhood is just to do it! Become a mom. Take the leap. Take the plunge. Take the risk.

Chances are that if you are reading this, you already are a mother. You’re not likely a professional tennis player looking for some light entertainment or a politician with spare time on your hands. No, I’ll bet that 99.9% of you readers are mothers. So, congratulations! You’ve mastered tip number one.

Simply becoming a mother is hard—physically and emotionally. And it takes a tremendous commitment from you, whether you’ve birthed or adopted your child. You have literally agreed to sacrifice your life for another human being. Now, granted, we generally take this step a bit naively, when all we can envision of motherhood is the fun of playing house with our dollies. But, we’ve taken the step just the same, and we deserve a party.

Now that you are on the path (and—surprise! There’s no turning back!), chances are good that you will survive this journey. And, I’m willing to bet, you will not only survive, but thrive!

2.     Just Keep Swimming – The very moment we become mothers we face a whole experience without a handbook. We hold that newborn in our arms and suddenly we are solely responsible for their well-being. Changing diapers, feeding, sleeping. It’s overwhelming and wonderful. And, as little people grow, their challenges do, too. Soon diapers are the least of our worries. Now we are helping them ride a bike, stay out of the road, and finish their carrots at dinner. Time passes and now we are concerned about who their teacher is, if their homework is finished, and if they practiced the piano before going to bed. And soon our challenges have grown to driving, dating, jobs, and graduating from high school. In other words, motherhood is challenging every day!

So here’s another tip: Just Keep Swimming. Just keep going with the flow and surviving. That’s the long and the short of it. Get up the next day. Drive to the next soccer game. Fix the next meal. Change the next diaper. Endurance is 90% of success. And finishing what we’ve started is the bulk of thriving.

On the days when I feel I can’t possibly keep going, I remind myself to just keep swimming. And then, I fold the next batch of laundry, deal with the next teenage crisis, sign the next page of Algebra homework, and get through the next day. And, somehow, when I wake up the next morning, my energy is renewed, and I can keep on mothering.

3.     Make a Backwards List – I’m the queen of list-making. I make to-do lists for myself, lists for my husband, and lists for my kids. But sometimes I get to the end of a day and find out that I didn’t accomplish anything on my list! How discouraging! In those times, it’s helpful to make a Backwards List. Take a moment before bed and write down what you did do during the day. Think of each batch of laundry, each trip to the school, each meal cooked and cleaned up, each child you helped, each phone call you made. Think about the time you went out to play ball for a minute, or helped your husband with a project, or cleaned up the living room. Write down every single thing you did that wasn’t on a list, and your spirits will likely lift. It helps to have a list of what was accomplished during the day, even if the list was made backwards.

4.     Get Out – I admire people who exercise often. While I’m not one of those diligent souls, I do try to get up and work out every so often. The experts are right. Exercise makes us feel happier! On those rare days when I actually get up before the children and run a mile, I’ve noticed that I feel better about life in general. Even if everything else falls apart during the day, I can look back and say, “But hey, I ran a mile this morning!” and somehow everything is ok.

5.     Put on Music – Music is magic. Whether you play it, sing it, or listen to it, music will provide an instant boost to your spirits. I love turning on my favorite mom music when the kids are at nap, or turning on uplifting children’s music when my Littles are around. I also enjoy the good music of my teenagers. When dishes need to be washed, or a room picked up, or a batch of laundry folded, turning on a tune can provide me (and my children) the energy to get the task done.  So find a playlist, pick a song, and turn on your music!

6.     Count Your Blessings – Count them, count them, count them. Name them one by one. And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

7.     Talk It Out – My husband and I have an ongoing joke between us. If he comes home from work and I’m exceptionally cheerful, then he knows I chatted with a friend that day. And, he’s usually right! Something about talking with a sister or close friend about life makes me feel better all around. I don’t necessarily need her to solve my problems, just listen and empathize. We women need chatter and conversation. On days when I’m feeling down I often pick up the phone or walk to a friend’s house and visit for a bit. Once it’s time to get back to real life I usually feel better about everything in general.

8.     Lose it! – Once in a while I think it’s ok to just lose it. Don’t be a pushover. When you start feeling like the Little Red Hen then hold your ground. Tell your kids you need a break and go on a walk. Ask your husband to make dinner and run to the store to pick up that shampoo you forgot. Let everyone know you are going to bed by 9pm, and any homework questions must be asked BEFORE then.

I’ll be the first to admit that I cannot hold my tongue and my temper together all the time. I’m not necessarily proud of this, but I have noticed that when I get to the end of my rope and the kids figure out that we’re all dangling by a thread, everyone suddenly snaps up to attention.

When kids can tell that mom’s about to blow, they are more willing to quickly set the table, help their little brother tie his shoe, and offer to go the extra mile. I’m not suggesting that we be angry or demanding moms. And certainly “loosing it” should not be the norm. No, losing our cool is the exception—the rare exception. But there is some sort of paradoxical twist that when Mom suddenly demands compliance, everyone rises to the occasion and it brings a regulating calm to family life again. Sort of like we need storms in life to appreciate the sun.

So don’t beat yourself up if you lose it, and don’t expect yourself to be Polly Perfect everyday. Cross the bridges that must be crossed, get back up, get on the path and enjoy the new day that is dawning from the darkness.

9.     Clean Up – When the house is a disaster and it feels like the world is caving in, it’s easy to want to run away from a mess. But, cleaning up can actually lift our spirits. I’m not talking about scouring the entire house (if you have the energy, then please, go ahead!). I’m suggesting that you pick something and clean it or organize it. If there is a batch of laundry on the couch, tackle it and get it done. If there’s a drawer that’s been bugging you, organize it. If you’re feeling really low, clean out the coat closet. It’s amazing what a piece of “clean” can do when the rest of our Mom World is in chaos. 

I often feel so out of control during the day, with other peoples’ demands determining my schedule. But if I can just see a little corner of clean somewhere in my life, it helps me to still feel calm and in control of something. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Yep. I believe it.

10.  Pray – That’s it. Just pray. I pray with my head bowed and eyes closed each morning and evening. But I also pray daily in my heart, in those moments when I just need some instant help or guidance or energy. It’s amazing how prayer will often bring immediate results. My 8-year-old runs over and tells me a funny story. The doorbell rings and a friend is there for an uplifting chat. Answers and light distill as dew from heaven, and at the end of the day I look back and see how I was strengthened and struggles were resolved.

And finally, a disclaimer: *I haven’t actually survived motherhood myself. So, you may not want to place too much value on this article because I am not necessarily a success story. I’m in the thick of things TODAY—diapers and drivers licenses, toddlers and teens. However, since I am in the trenches, perhaps my ideas are valid. At least, I hope one or two tips will speak to and strengthen other moms who are hanging on by their fingernails to keep the lunches packed, the toys picked up, and the laundry mostly folded. Hang on. The light will come.