The Merry Month of MAYhem

Every mother knows that the month of May is CRAZY! As the school year comes to an end we are flooded with final soccer games, final dance recitals, final tumbling rehearsals, final band concerts, final choral exhibits, final art displays, end of year parties, final exams, final Prom, cheerleading tryouts and… the list goes on. May is busy if you have ONE child, but multiply that by TWO, or THREE, or TEN and every day becomes absolutely insane! The dictionary definition of "mayhem" is CHAOS!

I know May is a wild trip for every family—and it’s certainly not a contest to prove that we’re busier than our next door neighbor—but nevertheless, I’m still recording the events of this month for my posterity’s sake...or they surely wouldn’t believe it!

Let’s begin with the simple math facts: We have 9 children at home right now. Each child is involved in at least ONE extra-curricular activity. (But let’s face it, that usually balloons to two or three or more, right?) PLUS add on school activities, tests, and parties. Those don’t usually count in the daily schedule. But when they involve a parent going in to observe or participating, then everyday school events start gumming up the calendar as well.

So now we’re scheduling at least FOUR May events for each child, times NINE equals THIRTY-SIX. Ummm…there are only 31 days in May, so that means we have one major event on every day. Except, it doesn’t happen that way. Each major function requires AT LEAST one or two or three practices, or photos, or pre and post parties, so those 36 events now multiply to 144.

The raw facts are that ONE parent must be at EVERY event (even the minor ones…) so that children feel loved, right? (Ideally, TWO parents would be at each party. But since we’re trying to simplify we just plan on ONE.) Time to do the math again: 144 divided by two equals 72, divided by 31 (days in the month) and we’re down to about 2.3 events per day, per parent.

Events meaning MAJOR LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCES THAT CHILDREN NEED AN ADULT AT TO FEEL FULFILLED. (Well, OK. I get that this doesn’t make or break childhood, but in their world, they need a smiling face in the audience.) And let’s not forget the everyday feeding, eating, meal-fixing, laundry, pick-up, homework, chores, dishes, transportation, piano practice, flute practice, trumpet practice and the simple “make-your-bed!” stuff is still going on…mostly…IN ADDITION to the craziness. Like I said, if I don’t record this month, my posterity will never believe it happened. But to simplify, I’ll focus on just ONE WEEK.

Monday: First day of morning swimming lessons for the kindergartener, preschool events for the preschooler, final lunch with the high schoolers, final essays due for the final scholarship (my daughter asked for a final read-through), last day to mail the passport application, three hours of dance dress rehearsal, final soccer practice, pick up tumbling outfit, all dance photos, final senior packets due, plant Mother’s Day flowers before it’s too late, and…family night?

Tuesday: Early-morning high school awards ceremony, final Kindergarten testing appointment, 5^th grade reality show (they wanted parents to come participate…), speech therapy for the preschoolers, final tumbling class, final Cub Scout field trip, final posters due for the 3^rd grade Wax Museum, final choir concert, traditional “after-concert” trip to Dairy Queen. (Did you know they sell .16 cent cones? The puts us at $1.60 for a family celebration. SCORE!)

Wednesday: Preschool graduation for the littlest, more swimming lessons, final band concert (yes, I cried), final soccer practice for son #4, major evening event for the hubby (I juggled the home-life without him), Scout meeting for two sons, FOUR separate church youth activities for FOUR separate daughters, and...THREE children lost teeth! Yes, all in the same day. That's one exhausted tooth fairy flying around at midnight...

Thursday: Final swimming class test, daughters #2, #4, #5 to the dance show in the next town, daughter #3 to her tumbling photo, daughter #1 to her final bell concert, final tweaks on the Lego Robotics competition, final library books due to the school, final soccer practice (or party?) for son #3, was there an AP test in there too?

Friday: Son #3 heads off to his robotics competition, twins (#s 7 and 8) head off to school beach day (did they get all their gear?), dress rehearsal for tumbling, final soccer practice for son #4, half-marathon packet pick up, adult church dinner (did I make a salad?), trip to the high school for scholarship awards (yeah!), trip to the Dollar Store for the final treats for the final (final?) parties, final friend BBQ for the high schooler.

Saturday: Half-marathon in the morning (THREE of us got up at 3am to get to the busses, EIGHT of us got up at 8am to cheer at the finish line), oldest to overtime work, five girls showered with hair and make-up done and four costumes each loaded (that’s 20 costumes and head pieces…), neighborhood girl stopped by to get her hair done too, brownies made for dessert, final soccer game for one son (we missed the other son’s last game), Church assignments finished for Sunday, additional FOUR children bathed for the Sabbath, and we’re loaded to go at 4pm. (Oops, we inadvertently forgot ALL MEALS that day!) Arrived at the first recital on time, watched daughter #3 tumble, headed to the second recital, heard Daughter #1 sing, and watched Daughters #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 tap, ballet, jazz, and DANCE! We arrived home at 10pm… That’s a long day!

Sunday: We rested!

Each night we’d drop into bed, and each morning we’d drag ourselves up.  I used sticky notes, phone alerts, and my written calendar to keep it all straight. (The kids know they must write down anything they want me to remember on a post-it note.) And we planned only one day at a time!

“What are we doing on Friday?” one of the kids asked on Monday. “We don’t talk about Friday until Thursday evening,” I reminded him. My brain was already on overload. “With this many moving parts and this many people, I decide details 24 hours in advance.” That’s the only way.

Oh, and DON’T throw a wrench in my life like, “I have a book report due tomorrow.” Or, “I need licorice for my PE class.” Off with your head! JIt’s better to look smart, smile, and be grateful for whatever help mom DID give you this month! Meals and clean laundry are a bonus.

But somehow we survived… well, almost. We still have one more week of parties (um, why are we going to school?), final events, and Daughter #1’s graduation. Did I pick up the party plates? Has her graduation gift arrived? Is her dress ironed? Did we contact all of the grandparents?

WAIT…she’s graduating?!?!?!? It’s time to STOP. TURN BACK THE CLOCK. And CRY.

It was just her first day of kindergarten! I remember her hair done up with a yellow ribbon. Her school uniforms ironed in her closet. Her new lunchbox swinging. Her friend asking her to play. Her teacher applauding her reading. Her science project winning first place. Her piano duet at the talent show. Her blue buckle shoes scuffed by the swing. Her first orchestra concert. Her essay winning the competition. Her cross-country race. Her successful AP test. Her election as state officer. Her winning scholarship. And now…she’s graduating. Everything we could have hoped and dreamed, and more.

Nevermind, month of May. Please, pause and turn yourself back. I will live you again, and again, and again. I will take the MAYhem and the Madness and the Maniac Months Managing Mountains of Motherhood Moments and people and schedules. It is not stress. It is merry JOY. I will love you every minute.

Thank goodness I can do it again, next year, and the next, and the next. It will not be quite as crazy with only 7 children at home; but certainly still exciting and stressful and fun. Give me another kindergarten graduation. Give me another 3^rd grade Wax Museum. Give me another 7^th grade band concert. Give me another week of stressful AP tests. Give me more graduations. I will breathe slowly, plan the details, and enjoy every moment.

Life is full and rich and wonderful because of children. They are my purpose. And I want to live it all with them again and again and again. Every moment a thrilling ride and challenge for my overloaded motherhood mind—this Merry Month of Mayhem.