10 Parenting Phrases (That get me through the tough times)

Some motherhood days are just difficult! I feel like I am barely treading water and keeping myself afloat…or almost drowning—whichever way you look at it!

Here are ten phrases I often say to myself in these times that try the soul.

*Just Keep Swimming! Yep! Dory from Finding Nemo is my motherhood inspiration. In a situation that seemed hopeless, Dory rallied the troops (errr… fish) and triumphed, eventually breaking the net and leading them all to freedom. On those days when I’m folding laundry, or cleaning up a disastrous kitchen, or scrubbing toilets, I repeat to myself, “Just keep swimming.” Even when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel of laundry if I “just keep swimming” and keep folding one piece at a time, then the clouds always clear, the light comes through and I reach the end! It always feels so good to sit down on a clothes-free couch, look at a dishes-free kitchen, or enjoy my mess-free bathroom. I’m always so grateful that I “swam on” and made it to freedom!

*Can you do it yourself or would you like some help? I initially learned this phrase when my first children were toddlers. Can you climb in the car by yourself or do you need help? Can you put on your shoes by yourself or do you want help? Can you finish your dinner by yourself or should I help you? I LOVE using this phrase because it empowers the child while putting them within my parameters. This tactic maintains my status and rights as the parent while teaching them self-governance. In other words, going with me to the store right now is not a choice, but how you choose to go is. I use this phrase many times a day while dealing with toddlers, tweens and teens. And I always say it in a calm, completely in-control voice! J

*Everything will turn out right in the end, and if it’s not right, it’s not the end. I first saw this quote on my sister-in-law’s wall one day during a difficult time. I re-realized that somehow everything in life will eventually be made right. As long as we are doing our best and keeping the commandments, things will come full circle and complete healing will happen. I truly believe that the Atonement of Jesus Christ will make everything right – in ways we can’t even imagine right now. As mothers we carry burdens for ourselves and for other people. I love to repeat this quote to myself when I need hope in a hopeless situation—either for myself or someone I love. Everything will turn out right in the end, and if it’s not right, it’s not the end.

* Let’s go, Let’s go, L-E-T-S-G-O! My cute cheerleader friend taught me this chant. I’m not rallying a football game, just a huge team of people! And sometimes we have to move fast!!! Are you in the car yet? Are you sitting up for dinner? Are you scooting off to bed? Let’s go! Let’s go! L-E-T-S-G-O!! (This phrase also has side benefits, since even my smallest children can spell “Let’s Go!” J)

      *There’s no way out but THROUGH! Remember the bear hunt? Where there’s “No way over it, no way under it, no way around it” and you “have to go through it?”  Sometimes I feel that way about daunting tasks, such as when I have to take four kids to the doctor, or when I'm heading to the grocery store with 3 carts of food that must be purchased, or when I have to make a difficult phone call: there’s no way out but THROUGH! I know the easiest way to finish an undesirable task is to simply do it. Then I buck up, load my children into the car or pick up my phone, take my next apprehensive step, and start my way through.

 *No Good Effort is Ever Wasted My mom taught me this principle and I believe her! I love saying this phrase to myself when it seems I’ve done all I can in a situation and yet it’s not turning out as I had imagined. Sometimes I feel inspired to write something, or go somewhere, or call someone, and yet my initial ideas still aren’t realized! My plans fall through or my work is rejected. Instead of thinking my inspiration was false, I still hope that I was inspired and someday I will see good come from my efforts. I believe my mom was right. Every time we TRY to do good—even if we don’t immediately succeed—something good is bound to result. I’ve seen tender miracles before when good turns reap rewards much later than I had initially hoped. So keep doing good and embracing your inspiration. You are sowing seeds that will eventually sprout!

*Count Your Blessings My greatest blessings are my children. I count them several times every day: as we gather for scripture study, as we sit up to a meal, when we travel in the car, when I tuck them into bed. Sometimes I count them in a panic when we are at the mall, and sometimes I count them sitting on the church bench next to me just to make sure no one is forgotten! But other times, when life is getting overwhelming, I look at their photos on the wall or watch them sitting by the fireplace reading together and simply count them to remind myself that no matter what happens families are forever and I will always keep my greatest blessings. My children are all I need to count to feel completely full of gratitude.

*Fake it Til you Make it I worked one summer on staff at Aspen Grove family camp. Our camp director, Glen Parker, taught us on our very first day of camp that we should always have a smile on our face for the participants. Even if we were having a rough day or (in my case, I was a cook) didn’t want to cook another hundred pancakes, we should still smile and fake that it was the best day of our lives! Now that I’m a mother, I love reminding myself to “fake it ‘til you make it.” There are plenty of days when I don’t want to cook even one more pancake, or read one more bedtime story, or listen to one more version of a 4^th grade day. However, faking happiness through the difficult times is not being hypocritical, instead it pushes me back into a real happiness, and I’m always glad I maintained a cheerful attitude after all.

*In optimism there is magic, In pessimism there is nothing. It’s true, moms. We can make each day magical or empty for our children. My natural tendency is usually to voice my frustration that it’s snowing again, or find fault with the coach, or worry out loud about the budget. But, frankly, criticism and sarcasm generally benefit nobody. On days when I can set my initial feelings aside and be positive about situations my family does find magic. We talk about daily miracles at the dinner table, we anticipate the next birthday or holiday, and we make a game out of doing the dishes. One of the greatest miracles of agency is that we can literally create whichever world we choose to live in, mundane or magical.

*If you wish to escape criticism; Say Nothing, Do Nothing, Be Nothing. ~E. Hubbard I adopted this slogan as a college student. Everyone on earth has a different life, a different set of challenges, and a different perspective and somewhere on the road you’re going to face criticism. “You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” (Another quote from my mom!) In other words, live your life, be yourself, manage your family and your children the way you feel best, and let the world roll by. Not everyone will agree with you: not your best friend, not your neighbor, not your mother-in-law. However, there are a million ways to be a good parent. So find your niche, speak your mind, do what you feel inspired to do, make your decisions and move forward with faith. This is your turn on earth!