10 Parenting Phrases (That get me through the tough times)

Some motherhood days are just difficult! I feel like I am barely treading water and keeping myself afloat…or almost drowning—whichever way you look at it!

Here are ten phrases I often say to myself in these times that try the soul.

*Just Keep Swimming! Yep! Dory from Finding Nemo is my motherhood inspiration. In a situation that seemed hopeless, Dory rallied the troops (errr… fish) and triumphed, eventually breaking the net and leading them all to freedom. On those days when I’m folding laundry, or cleaning up a disastrous kitchen, or scrubbing toilets, I repeat to myself, “Just keep swimming.” Even when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel of laundry if I “just keep swimming” and keep folding one piece at a time, then the clouds always clear, the light comes through and I reach the end! It always feels so good to sit down on a clothes-free couch, look at a dishes-free kitchen, or enjoy my mess-free bathroom. I’m always so grateful that I “swam on” and made it to freedom!

*Can you do it yourself or would you like some help? I initially learned this phrase when my first children were toddlers. Can you climb in the car by yourself or do you need help? Can you put on your shoes by yourself or do you want help? Can you finish your dinner by yourself or should I help you? I LOVE using this phrase because it empowers the child while putting them within my parameters. This tactic maintains my status and rights as the parent while teaching them self-governance. In other words, going with me to the store right now is not a choice, but how you choose to go is. I use this phrase many times a day while dealing with toddlers, tweens and teens. And I always say it in a calm, completely in-control voice! J

The Real Story—Thoughts on the recent BSA membership policy change

Last week the Boy Scouts of America announced a membership policy change that allows transgender youth to register in BSA programs. Like much of the conservative world I initially felt betrayed when I read the announcement. How could this values-based organization change their moral stand and allow such a policy to be enacted? Judging from comments all over social media, I was not alone in my feelings—especially among other conservatives who still place the highest value on being “morally straight."

However, after several days of reading, watching, listening and learning, I’ve come to understand more clearly what happened in this situation.  In my newly-formed opinion, the BSA should actually be applauded for their actions. Let me explain.

First of all, the policy change states that the Boy Scouts will no longer use a person’s birth certificate to determine their gender. They will simply take the parent’s word on an application. Remember, BSA programs are for youth, and a parent signature is always required. But guess what? The BSA has NEVER required a birth certificate to determine gender. They have ALWAYS simply asked for the parent’s word. The difference is that now they will not dispute the word of the parents, regardless of the child’s anatomy.

Ten Parenting Principles That Have Shaped My Motherhood

I'll be the first to admit that motherhood is wonderful but challenging!!! So when people ask how I effectively raise ten children, I hesitate to offer any secrets to success. After all, each individual mother and family situation is unique. I firmly believe that we are all just doing our best in a soul-stretching profession.

However, there are certain universal principles that I do believe are key to rearing productive and happy children in today’s world. I gleaned these parenting tips from my own parents and good mothers and fathers I’ve observed. I share them here in the hope that others will adopt and adapt them and pass them on.

My motherhood philosophy changes yearly, weekly and daily as my parenting journey evolves and matures. In other words, I'm still developing my strategies just like everyone else! 

But today, as the mother of ten busy and good children, ages one through nineteen, I share the top ten parenting principles that have shaped my motherhood. I hope you find these helpful!

10. Routine Structure and schedules are the only answer to smoothly managing the lives of twelve people. When children know what time we are waking up, going to bed, leaving for school, what jobs they are expected to complete in the morning, where they sit at the dinner table, where their shoes belong and other routines it adds ease to our crazy life. I believe that organization is good for children. It teaches them boundaries and respect for regulation. And, it makes my life simpler. Knowing that we are doing laundry on Monday, cleaning bedrooms on Saturday, practicing the piano in the morning, and who washes the dinner dishes each evening means I don’t have to reinvent the wheel every day. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Thinking ahead, having a plan, and then sticking to it is the only way I stay sane!

9. Family Mealtimes The family that eats together stays together—I firmly believe that adage! Last week a visitor at our door was surprised to see 11 of us sitting down to dinner in our dining room. “Do you eat together every night?” she asked, amazed. Yes, we do. Granted, some evenings my husband is gone for a meeting, or my high school son has a track meet, or my daughter is working at her job, but the rest of us still sit and eat—together. I love those times! Not only is family mealtime helpful for creating healthful habits and manners in children, but in addition we all share and talk about our day and the world waits while we recharge together. It’s a great time for our teens, tweens and toddlers to connect despite their different stages of life. In fact, to me, mealtime is the best of times—a golden moment when I feel a small surge of success.

Autumn Time

No! SUMMER CANNOT BE OVER YET! It absolutely may not end!!! I know I write this exact same column every single year, yet I have these exact same emotions every single year.  August turns into September and then into October long before I am ready to give up July.

“Wait!” I want to shout.  “This mom is just getting into the swing of things. I am finally accustomed to swimming and vacationing and reading without any schedule. I am finally adjusting to meals on the fly and sudden trips to the library. I am acclimated to long, hot, lovely days when flip-flops and shorts will suffice.” And then, suddenly, those days are over, there is a cool nip in the air, and school has started. It just isn’t fair.

Welcome, Autumn

*Note: I wrote this article in October 2011, shortly after our sweet Autumn Joy was born. Even though that memorable day was five years ago, I still reflect on the power and principles of the glorious Autumn harvest.

Last month we celebrated Autumn with a joyful harvest.  Among other things we harvested our garden…a bit unexpectedly.  The overnight frost forced us to gather tomatoes, peppers, squash, melons, potatoes, and onions into our dining room.  Our kitchen table suddenly became a cornucopia, spilling over onto the floor.  Although we were sorry for the end of the season, we were filled with joy at seeing what our labors had produced.  The spring and summer months of planting, weeding and watering were suddenly worth it.

A Purposeful Pilgrimage

I’ve heard of pilgrimages before: travel to an historic place to pay homage to one’s beginnings.  There are pilgrimages to the Holy Land, pilgrimages to Mecca, pilgrimages to a cemetery to see the gravesite of a loved one. Anyone who believes deeply in something has an innate desire to visit his foundations—the place where his beliefs and character and very purpose for being were established.

This summer our family took a patriotic pioneer pilgrimage. And our travels convinced me that pilgrimages are a vital and heart-changing piece of life.

Our first stop was near Kansas City, Missouri. We toured the Liberty Jail where Joseph Smith was held captive during the long, cold winter of 1839. The jail is small and crude, but the crowd that came to view the underground cell was large—a kaleidoscope of families from around the country. We sat together in silence while the narration told of damp, cold, moldy food and God-fearing saints. The experience made us better.

SCHOOL DAYS - A Mother's Soliloquy

I’m sending eight children to school this year – from high school senior on down through pre-kindergartener.   Shouldn’t I be in the Guinness Book of World Records or something?  After all, managing eight students is a feat worth recording.  That is, if I survive.  Let me replay how our school preparation has gone. 

“Everyone wash out your lunchboxes,” I call during one of our final summer afternoons.  Soon, a display of boxes and bags are lined up on the counter, rinsed and still dripping a bit.  It’s exhausting just to consider the food prep each school morning will require, even though many of my little pupils pack their own meal.

“School clothes day,” I call on a different morning.  Then, one by one, I go through each child’s drawer with him or her.  “School shirt, play shirt, dirty shirt that it’s time to dispose of, shirt you don’t wear so we’re donating to charity, shirt that doesn’t fit you any more (put it in your brother’s drawer)…”  The school clothes project takes all day.