Choosing Children

I have a lot of children. More than normal, to be exact. (I assume that makes me abnormal, but hopefully in a good way.) Despite my large posterity, I’ve recently had some new insights about the value of children. Ideas I likely should have understood earlier, but nonetheless, just occurred to me. Call me a slow learner…

Of course, bearing and raising children is a highly personal choice, made by each soul (or souls) in their own sphere. Without standing on a soapbox, or attempting to push my life philosophies on anyone else, I want to share three significant things I’ve recently concluded – principles I have learned from choosing children.

First, every child matters. I know this is a given, but we have a stigma in our society which I have experienced more than once. When friends or strangers learn that someone is expecting their first baby, the reaction is generally one of joy! Congratulations! What a thrill! What a treasure!

Strangely enough (and I should know) that excitement often wanes with each new pregnancy. You’re having a baby? Your second? Your third? Your fourth? Your ninth? What was once delight often translates into puzzlement. Did you mean to? Did you want to? Did you plan to? The responses are sometimes comical. Yet, with every baby the price is the same: nine or ten months of pregnancy, followed by nine or ten months of sleepless nights, followed by nine or ten years of exhausting parenthood, followed by nine or ten years of more parenthood (still exhausting), and it goes on. I’ve recently re-concluded that no matter what position on the spectrum – number one or number nine, born to Princess Kate or a Chinese peasant– every single baby should be valued, celebrated, and welcomed.

My second realization is also no special revelation, but a principle that has again embedded itself in my soul: parental hearts are big enough for all children. I remember when my first baby was born. Despite the exhausting labor, once my hospital room was quiet and my husband was sleeping peacefully in the chair next to me, I sat up in bed and pulled the little baby crib toward me. Lifting my son out, I set him on my lap and looked him over, head to toe. He was perfect! And all mine! A feeling of joy overwhelmed me. It was a euphoria I can’t describe, and my love for him filled my new-mother heart.

Nearly two years later, about to give birth to my second son, I couldn’t help but wonder (between contractions) if I could love another baby as much as I loved my first. My concern was soon resolved when the nurse placed my second son in my arms. With one look I could tell that he was wholly different than his brother, from his blue eyes, to his personality, to his very soul. My heart immediately loved him entirely. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t “split my love in two,” rather, “my heart grew two sizes that day.” And my heart has grown everyday a baby has been born. It’s now “nine sizes” bigger than it was when I was childless. My small world of nine children is nothing compared to the Father of us all, but motherhood has convinced me that His heart is big enough to love each of us entirely, individually, and completely.

Finally, another recent revelation enveloped me – a surprising yet thrilling aspect of parenthood: children increase our influence and fulfillment in life. During a vacation last year, we participated in an organized family adventure. Each morning we received a schedule of dozens of exciting activities taking place that day, with events for everyone from toddlers to teens. As a family we pored over the list, making choices of how to spend our hours during this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

After deciding what to do, the children would split off in twos and threes to go and participate in the crafts, dances, movies, water sports, classes, etc. I would tag along and spend the day enjoying the activities they chose. However, I observed parents with one or two children rushing from activity to activity in a bit of a frenzy trying to experience every opportunity.

I watched their anxiety with curiosity, wondering why I didn’t feel as worried about missing out on any fun. I soon realized that I was enjoying all of the fun. With so many children, our family had a representative at literally every event offered. Even though I wasn’t personally at every movie or craft or sport, one of my children was, and at the end of the day they would relive to me their experience and what they had learned and done. In a startling and eye-opening way, I realized that my children actually allowed me to live more of life than I could as just a single person. They magnified my joy, because their experiences were also mine. In other words, I am not one person, but ten.

Yep, I have an analytical brain and I probably think too much. But I can’t deny what I’ve recently pondered and felt: children are an incredible gift, children increase our ability to love, and children magnify our success in life. Thank heaven for the opportunity – and subsequent joy and fulfillment – that comes from choosing children.